By Rick
Initially, I thought it would be appropriate to begin by sharing some Depeche Mode lyrics that would be suitable for this moment, like how some people might share some famous poetry. But my God, those lyrics are all just too depressing. We certainly don’t need additional depression right now, so nevermind that!
Depeche Mode happens to be the perfect segue for me to reminisce about my beloved big sister, Christine. If you knew her, chances are you knew that she “just couldn’t get enough” of that legendary new wave band. Depeche Mode represented her seismic shift from being a pre-teen who loved New Kids On The Block and Paula Abdul, into being the cool teen (and then cool adult) who began embracing a quasi-goth aesthetic and fell under the spell of a new breed of dark and enticing music. Subsequently, she started truly expressing her creativity, her passion and her warped humor that became the trademarks of her entire life. And as her younger brother, three years her junior, I was along for the ride whether she realized it or not. I looked up to her in awe and I thought she was COOL.
My sister was the most inspirational person in my whole life.
It’s safe to say that I am who I am, and have accomplished what I have, because I followed a path that was inspired by Christine. She was my cool older sister! I can’t even begin to list all of the little things that I credit to her. But I’ll try.
My trademark dangly dagger earring - she stabbed that thing through my earlobe. The first time around, she pierced my ear with the actual earring itself. Really forced it in there. Ouch. Eventually the hole healed when I wasn’t wearing the earring often, and she was the one to re-pierce it, but with an actual needle this time. The earring remains in action.
During her senior year of high school, I was a freshman. On Halloween, in school, she went all-out with a wild black poofy dress and matching black accessories, like a goth bride. In 1994, that was really something!
I think it was that same year that her Halloween costume (not in school) was Robert Smith. Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me T-shirt, necklace, hair and make-up done up just right. It was awesome.
When I wanted to look “cool” in my early teenage years, she was the resource. Her clothing collection took on a more “masculine” appeal in the mid-90s. Namely, band T-shirts. As luck would have it, her T-shirts fit me well. On several occasions, I “borrowed” her shirts (They Might Be Giants, Sonic Youth, NIN…)
When I moved into my own bedroom, she excitedly took me shopping for room decor. And where did we hit? The brand new (at the time) Hot Topic in the mall. We called it Hot Pocket and made fun of the mass-marketed attitude. I can’t recall if I even bought anything at Hot Pocket, but we visited nonetheless.
She took me to my first ever concert. Smashing Pumpkins, July 3, 1996, Gund Arena.
In 1990, Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy The Silence” hit MTV, and a young teenage Christine’s life changed dramatically...
I, too, have been a huge Depeche Mode fan for a very long time, precisely because Christine played their music, almost nonstop, from 1990 through probably like 1993. I heard it all, I saw the music videos, in those formative years. A family vacation in the early 90s, inside the awesome van we used to have, featured Depeche Mode’s Speak And Spell. We were both total music dorks in our own ways, and I give all the credit to Christine. In those early 90s years, during our explosion of musical interest, she made me custom mixtapes that I listened to all the time, back when you’d actually tape songs off the radio. Oh man, I wish I still had those tapes! Eventually, the student would become the master, and I would become the music-sharing resource thanks in large part to The Internet, and Christine would send me little iPods with instructions that would basically say “fill this up with motivational 80s music.” She was able to witness the pinnacle of my music dorkery with her own eyes, during her visit to Portland in April 2019. On that Saturday night at The Lovecraft Bar, I DJed almost entirely with two turntables and an assortment of my records. We were tucked away in the small, dark and scary DJ booth in the back, as Christine watched me set up the turntables and get to work. “How do you know how to do that stuff?!” she asked. I just learned it over time, I guess. I felt very proud of this moment, as my sister witnessed me in action, doing something I loved that she could also fully appreciate. I mean, who’d have thunk that I’d ever find myself in this particular situation in life? I had come a LONG way from being the 10 year old dork who “DJed” her birthday party by standing near a stereo and dancing around like a fool.
Christine was the one who turned me on to some wild stuff that stayed with me for years and years. I’ll always fondly remember how she would excitedly introduce me to odd new music, like “you gotta hear this!” We’d sit in her room and she’d play something like “Takin’ Retards To The Zoo” by The Dead Milkmen, or “Fingertips” by They Might Be Giants, and we’d laugh! I had never realized that such funny, irreverent music existed. Suffice it to say that I spent years raiding her tape collection, listening to anything I could get my hands on (this began to make me less than cool in my Catholic middle school years, when I’d be listening to, for instance, a Skinny Puppy tape while the cool kids had their grunge hits and their Metallica). We would watch MTV and VH1 and be smitten by the strange 80s new wave videos… they were an alternate universe that we didn’t understand, but we knew we loved. Lene Lovich was a big one. The Human League, too. One time we stumbled upon part of Laurie Anderson’s “Home of the Brave” live show on cable TV. Its surreal weirdness was beyond our expectations. And that was the kind of stuff we loved to find.
Christine’s artistic creativity was truly something special. We both excelled in this field, and again I must credit Christine with really inspiring me at a young age. I still remember making an audio tape with Chris, my brother and my neighbor friends, where she’d essentially record herself doing a radio show or something, and we’d all goof around once we hit “record”. The main thing that sticks out in the memory is her singing Depeche Mode’s “World In My Eyes” but substituting in the word “bile” as the main subject. “Let me take you on a trip - around my bile and back.” Yeah, I have no idea. That was her humor in action.
Page from “Three Stories Three”
When she became an angst-filled suburban teenager, Christine expressed herself by making her own illustrated books. These things were out there, man (as luck would have it, she hung on to most, if not all of them, and I scanned two of the best for her, “Three Stories Three” and “Let Free The Armadillo”). The humor was next level stuff, because she absolutely loved entertaining people. I might have been her main audience for these books; I couldn’t get enough of her strange world of characters, dialogue and ideas. And the one year, maybe 1993?, when she created her “Halloween Safety Tips”, well that was the pinnacle of greatness for a young Rick. I just loved this thing she made, it was so funny and twisted, complete with a crazy illustration in her own unique style (luck strikes again, I still have a photocopy of the original!). Many years later, I continued this Halloween tradition by writing up my own Halloween Safety Tips, which include various references to her original work. I always considered Christine to be my main audience for these goofy Halloween Safety tips and continue to keep this tradition alive for all the world to see.
I also credit Christine for the idea and inspiration behind my most notorious high school “project”, The Chromosome Chronicle. One day, for whatever reason, Chris is like “you should make your own fake school newspaper”... something to that effect. Lightbulb went off in my head. This was a great idea. With the help of some friends, we quickly made this fake school newspaper into a reality. The Chromosome Chronicle was born! A direct parody of the actual school newspaper, me and the guys wrote some dumb and funny stuff and it was a hit. Chris even contributed in that first issue with her unique brand of hilarity! We distributed two issues of The Chromosome Chronicle in school, under the intense scrutiny of authority figures who were suspicious of what we were up to. And so began my wacky publishing career, thanks to Christine’s weird idea and my motivation to make it happen and make her proud.
As I came into my own, with creative pursuits and music obsession and general weirdness, Christine was extremely supportive. Her heart and her spirit were unmatched by anyone in my life. She made me feel like I could achieve any goal, especially these creative ones, just by showing her trademark enthusiasm and exclaiming “do it!” if I pondered a wacky idea. This was the foundation of our relationship for as long as I can remember. Just constant support, back and forth, with whatever odd projects or goals we might have. We’d bounce ideas off of each other and motivate each other, even until the very end when she wanted to team up and have me illustrate her Depeche Mode concert memoirs. My character, and my very soul, have been positively shaped by Christine’s influence. From my earliest days in high school, recording stupid music on cassette tapes, to the year 2020 and continuing with a particularly bad-ass music project, Christine was always a big fan.
Even in the bad times, she was there for me. Visiting me in Portland, long phone calls, just unwavering support from my beloved big sister. She was always there in times of need, or would happily lend an ear if I had to go off on a tirade about some problem in life (which was often). My 40th birthday occurred during this stupid Social Collapse of 2020, causing my celebration to be majorly scaled back. But I knew I could count on Christine to make it great. Right on schedule, a humorously decorated box arrived at my house, containing my gifts. She gave me what I consider one of my most cherished items - a framed drawing of Depeche Mode’s first album art, added to my collection of original Christine art that decorates my walls. She understood the power of giving original artwork as gifts, because she cared so much about the people in her life and making them some art is the pinnacle of this love.
I’ve also never known someone in my approximate age group that was as technologically illiterate as Christine. This was a source of constant laughs, because she knew this was true and she wasn’t at all embarrassed by it. Somehow she remained stuck in the 90s when it came to technology. She simply could not advance! Luckily things like current video editing software and Youtube are VERY user-friendly, so even she could figure them out and create funny videos. But computers, TVs, all that stuff, she just couldn’t do it! Many of her text messages and emails read like they were written in Japanese and poorly translated into English. In one instance, she spelled “Morrissey” as “morroaseum”. How is this even possible?? She didn’t much care for this newfangled digital communication technology, and it showed. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the ultimate thing that Christine sucked at… putting media back in its case or box. Records never put back in their proper jacket, cassette tape cases with the actual cassette lost forever. You could find a really rad cassette case on her shelf, like “whoa! You have the Skinny Puppy 12” Singles cassette?” and then find it to be empty, without fail. MAYBE it was under the seat in her car, if you’re lucky. But hey, nobody’s perfect. This was such a funny Chris quirk… a decades-long funny quirk.
In these times of tragedy, when someone we love is taken from us too soon and for reasons we can’t quite understand, I find that it’s important to learn lessons from the tragedy and fortify our own lives with the experience, and to do our damnedest to make sure that the tragedy doesn’t repeat. In early 2018, I lost one of my best friends to suicide, and it was simply awful. Up until now, it was the most painful event of my life. Through the grieving and reflection I came to better understand the dangers of addiction and mental health issues, and made it a personal mandate to offer help and support to my fellow dudes who might have certain warning signs, because that could have been the difference between life and death for my friend. And now with Christine, I have been in the process of understanding and learning for years, ever since the initial cancer diagnosis and the dread that followed. I have been sharing parts of the lessons I have gleaned with whomever I think can appreciate the knowledge. It’s not an easy conversation for some people. The root of it all is the attempt to understand the true nature of health and how things can get so skewed to the point that cancerous cells form in our bodies. I’ve been absorbing information about the toxic nature of our modern environment, the plastics and chemicals that poison everything, and most importantly, the truth about the actual food we eat. This may very well be THE most crucial information that we must all understand and take very seriously if we hope to live a long, healthy life, and wish the same for others. While it’s a subject that I can’t delve into here, because it’s so long and complicated, suffice it to say that I am willing to talk at length about the subject and continue to learn more. I had a notable moment with Christine, a week before her passing when I was spending time with her at her house. In conversation, she said something about how, since 1970, cancer diagnoses have risen by X amount (can’t remember the actual shocking figure). Indeed, I knew just how bad things are getting in the world. I followed with some comments about the major decrease in food quality since the 1970s, coupled with the increase in plastics and chemicals in our environment. Basically, an unmitigated toxic disaster which can and will lead to all of this cancer. Christine was in agreement; she knew.
The horrors of the many different cancers could very well be something that we can all reign in and defeat, without the need for dangerous drugs and radiation. Maybe we can get to a point where the disease that stole Christine from us will never harm another person? I am endlessly fascinated by the topic of escaping Modernity and returning to pre-cancerous times, where our diets and activities keep us healthy and strong for our nearly 100 year lifespans. This is the lesson I have taken from the tragedy lived by my sister, Christine. I may very well become a better, stronger man because of my experience with Christine and her years-long battle with such a horrible disease. Many people could potentially follow this same path of improvement if we understand the nature of cancer and how to avoid certain traps, if only because Christine had to take on this burden for us. We should all know for a fact that Christine herself would only wish the absolute best for each of us - healthy bodies, minds and souls. She lived her life as an educator, and she has left us with this important knowledge.
Not a day will go by that I will not miss Christine with all my heart, and her memory will continue to motivate and inspire me in everything I do. She has left behind a legacy of kindness, creativity, passion, cats, and the most unique and funny personality that I’ve ever encountered. She achieved many amazing feats in her time on this planet, like being on The Price Is Right, finding and marrying her soulmate, collecting a growing assortment of pets, running her own business, rising in the ranks of power in Parma, briefly interacting with Paula Abdul at a concert, suing those pieces of shit at Cleveland State University, and touching the lives of SO many people. The amount of great stories about Christine may very well be endless! I will continue to create artistic and musical projects with her in mind, imagining how much she would enjoy this thing or laugh at that thing. I will feel her presence with me when I’m at an awesome concert watching a band that we both love (please Depeche Mode, give us one more round!). I will continue to do right by my cool big sister and stay the course, succeeding at the things I promised her and achieving new levels of power that are a direct result of being inspired by her life. As I continue down my own long and winding journey of life, becoming increasingly ripped and frightening, I know she will be with me and I in turn will make sure to honor her and keep her memory alive in appropriate and glorious ways. Today I purchased the christinevodicka.com domain name; in due time she will have a proper digital memorial for the world to enjoy at all times.
In closing, it is with MUCH pride, joy and sadness that I can say that, during her final day on this planet, I was able to present her with Depeche Mode’s autographs. Some of my friends know that this was my number one goal for years, to the extent that I joked that if I were able to get Depeche Mode to personalize some autographs for Christine, it would cure her cancer. This task seemed nigh impossible. But it happened! I gave her a copy of the new Depeche Mode By Anton Corbijn art book on that final day, and turned to the page where the WHOLE BAND signed the book. She now had this missing piece of the DM puzzle in her hands. I couldn’t be happier with that moment. She was beaming.
I love you, Chris. I will always miss you, I will make you proud, and I will see you again. Until then, forget what I said at the beginning of the eulogy… HERE are some Depeche Mode lyrics to end with:
Reaction levels seem strangely muted
Ordinary acts of fun have been diluted
Place it in your memory
Leave it in your past
But don't forget
Actual doodle by Christine. Self portrait? Probably. I assume this was drawn in her early high school years.